


Drag me away from it

by Port_in_a_Storm



Series: Nursing on a poison [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Panic Attacks, Trigger warning: allusions to childhood abuse, Trigger warning: mentions of rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 03:24:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7828612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Port_in_a_Storm/pseuds/Port_in_a_Storm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It was terrifying because it was mundane. They hadn’t been in bed: he hadn’t been holding Aaron down; he hadn’t awoken him from sleep pushed too close to him. He had been drinking and smiling and breathing and Aaron had remembered. It was terrifying."</p>
<p>Aaron suffers a flashback, and Robert does what he can to help him through it, but he knows it will never be enough</p>
<p>Based on a prompt</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drag me away from it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jewelle32](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jewelle32/gifts).



> Hi guys! This fic is based on this prompt by Jewelle32: "could you write a chapter where Rob helps him get over his dad and the flashbacks of him maybe after Rob does something to unintentionally remind him of Gordon?"
> 
> I deviated a little from the original prompt, because after my little tirade on tumblr on... Friday(?), I just had to include a little about professional help at the end, and Robert knowing that he would never be enough to help Aaron get over his dad. But I hope that you all enjoy this fic anyway :)

They had been together for weeks. Against all of Chas’s dagger-point glares, and Cain’s protective words layered in severity, they were together. Robert cherished Aaron; he was sure that it showed on his face: a level of love he had never given to Chrissie; that few had seen, bar Victoria and Diane and occasionally Andy. Robert felt new-born, felt redeemed. He and Aaron weren’t perfect—they weren’t perfect together or apart, but that made them _work_. It made Robert want to try harder.

They had slept together, and at first Robert had treated Aaron like fine China; as if he would break at the slightest fast movement or misplaced hand. He knew that that wasn’t how Aaron wanted things to be between them: careful and gentle, but for a few weeks, Robert could find no other way to cope with it _but_ to be careful with him.

Even so, something went wrong.

They had been drinking; everyone had. It was a Friday night, and the pub was buzzing with good vibes. Aaron was smiling; happy. It had been that way for a while now: Robert often woke to Aaron’s wandering lips and hands, his boyfriend’s smiling face as they made love in the brief half hour before the pub woke and the day began. Robert was under no delusions that Aaron’s monsters had been quelled, but perhaps he allowed his guard to drop.

Robert drank his second scotch and looked around for Aaron. He found him in a corner of the pub, talking to Adam. Placing his empty glass on the bar, Robert just eyed him for a while, letting his eyes drift up and down his boyfriend’s body. He couldn’t wait to get him alone, get him grinning that wide grin that told Robert just how _happy_ Aaron was to be with him. God, he loved Aaron. In the moment that he thought it, Aaron glanced up and caught his eye, and winked. As if he knew what Robert was thinking. 

Of course he knew. Not because the lust was shining out of Robert’s eyes, but because Aaron _knew_ him better than anyone ever had before. Robert’s lust-filled gaze softened to something a lot more loving, and he walked to Aaron’s side. 

Aaron looked and smiled. Adam saw the glance the lovers exchanged, grinned and walked away, but not before giving Aaron something like a congratulatory pat on the back. Robert moved in close, and his breath warmed Aaron’s skin.

Aaron’s eyes widened. His smile dropped like a rock. He pushed Robert away.

‘Aaron?’

But his boyfriend was breathing too heavily, backing himself into the corner, his hand over his mouth.

‘Baby?’

‘Aaron? What’s going on?’ Chas was there, concern and trembling hands. ‘What did you do to him?’ she shrieked in Robert’s face.

‘Nothing, I swear!’ he cried. ‘I wouldn’t—you know I wouldn’t!’

But Aaron—God, he was hyperventilating, his hand was over his mouth and at the same time he was urging, as if fighting off the need to be sick. Robert automatically stepped towards him, but Cain dragged him back. ‘Not the right time,’ he hissed in Robert’s ear. 

Chas tried to comfort her son, but he wouldn’t let her anywhere near him. Even Adam struggled to get his friend to listen to the sound of his voice, only to his voice and nothing else because Aaron was _here_ and _safe_. But Aaron shook and trembled and gasped for breath, and Robert couldn’t stand seeing him hurting. He reached out with his hand, so slowly. 

‘Aaron,’ he whispered. ‘Aaron. It’s me. It’s me, Baby.’

And Chas was _this close_ to telling Robert to get lost, that he had _clearly_ done enough, couldn’t he see her son was _suffering enough without you making it worse?!_

‘Robert?’ 

Aaron’s eyes were wide, glassy with tears and the past. Because Robert knew that that was where he was. He wasn’t sure what had triggered it, but he knew that he was somewhere in the past; somewhere that Gordon could get him and hurt him, and it hurt Robert that _he_ had been the one to put Aaron there.

‘Robert?’ he said again. Still weak, still so small. It broke Robert’s heart.

‘Yeah. It’s me, Aaron.’ He kept reaching for his hand, kept coaxing, kept reassuring. ‘It’s me.’ He felt Cain shift, and Aaron’s uncle relinquished the iron grip he had around Robert’s arm which held him back. But even so, Robert didn’t shift; just kept his hand out, palm up, waiting for his love to take it. 

And he did, and the world stopped and spun faster and turned off its axis all at once. Robert breathed again.

Aaron’s eyes were solely for Robert. He didn’t look at their hands, or at his Mum who was moving steadily closer to her son. His blue eyes were focused on Robert, and Robert could have fallen into them over and over. He tightened his hand just _slightly_.

Aaron’s breathing started to even out. The hand that had been on his mouth dropped. It was only then that Robert realised they were both on the floor, Aaron sitting as close to the wall as he could get; his knees drawn up to his chest. Robert was kneeling in front of him. He daren’t speak.

‘Robert.’ Aaron said. He sounded more sure of himself; more sure of where he was. Robert nodded. Aaron’s breathed gushed out of him and he seemed to collapse in on himself. Robert moved forward and took him in his arms. Aaron flinched back. ‘The scotch,’ he said. ‘Your breath, I can—’

Robert didn’t even have to ask before Chas was pushing a glass of orange juice into his hand. He downed it in one, then moved back to Aaron. He didn’t flinch this time, and allowed Robert to move in closer, allowed himself to drop his head on Robert’s shoulder. 

He didn’t need to ask; he already knew: the smell, Gordon drunk, his bedroom door opening… Robert pushed his face into Aaron’s neck. It was only when he felt his boyfriend nodding against his shoulder that Robert realised that he was repeating apology after apology, ‘I’m sorry’ spilling out over and over into Aaron’s skin.

It was terrifying because it was mundane. They hadn’t been in bed: he hadn’t been holding Aaron down; he hadn’t awoken him from sleep pushed too close to him. He had been drinking and smiling and breathing and Aaron had remembered. It was terrifying. He held Aaron tighter. 

****

Cain and Adam had helped move them into the back room and left them alone; Charity had made sure that everyone knew that there was nothing to see, and Chas supported her son as Robert lay him on the sofa. Her eyes were wide and her cheeks were wet. Aaron’s eyes fell closed.

Impulsively, Chas and Robert turned to each other and hugged. He clung tightly to the woman who felt so strongly that she had let her son down, and hoped that she could feel his sorrow at what Aaron had been put through tonight by him.

They let each other go and Chas cleared her throat. She walked to the kitchen and Robert sat on the coffee table, watching Aaron fall into a fitful sleep. ‘Here,’ she said minutes later. He put his hands around the steaming mug of tea.

They drank quietly, watching the man they both loved. ‘It was the scotch,’ Robert whispered. ‘It took him right back.’

Chas nodded. She stood by the sofa, watching her son: watched his chest rise and fall under his grey shirt; watched his fist clench every now and then. ‘He’s never going to be free of it,’ she said. She sniffed harshly and Robert spared her the slightest glance to see her wiping her eyes. ‘He’s always going to remember. Oh god, my little boy.’

Robert felt a sob building up in him but held it back. He chewed on the side of his gum, focusing on the slight pain, on saliva filling up his mouth until he felt he could speak without breaking. ‘He needs to see someone,’ he said. ‘It always seems like he’s doing better, but how many times will this have to happen?’ He shook his head. He couldn’t handle seeing his love in pain. 

‘You know that he won’t though,’ Chas sighed. ‘He’s stubborn.’ She reached over and swept a strand of hair away from Aaron’s forehead. Robert’s chest clenched at how beautiful he was.

‘Wonder where he gets that from?’ he said, and they both breathed a laugh. ‘No, I know he won’t,’ he said, ‘but he _needs_ to.’ 

‘We can’t push it on him,’ Chas said, but she sounded resigned to the fact that if she had to, she would. She’d do anything for her boy, and so would Robert. ‘But we can speak to him tomorrow.’ She brushed her fingers across his cheek. ‘Let him sleep for now.’

Robert nodded. He put down his mug and laced his and Aaron’s fingers together. God knew he needed something to ground him.

**Author's Note:**

> Come have a nosy on tumblr!: [Port in a Storm](http://www.portinastorm.tumblr.com)
> 
> The title for this fic and the series are lines from 'Sedated' by Hozier


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